Slaughter and May- first year open day cover letter

[BWSM201]

Hey guys, I was wondering if anyone could provide some feedback for a cover letter I have drafted for an open day at Slaughters. This is the first personal statement type thing I've done (apart from UCAS) so bare with me if the structure is off!

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[Jaysen]

A few quick comments:

• In your second paragraph, you do a good job talking about your legal experiences, but I'm not entirely clear on why you are interested in commercial law?
• The start of your third paragraph uses the same phrasing as my A&O application. Please change this!
• Good use of your careers dinner to justify your interest in Slaughters and I like the explanation of your interest in M&A.
• You said M&A "seems to be a lot more technical/ model intensive". Can you clarify what you mean by this? Also, I'd avoid using a forward slash in your application.
• Remember your apostrophes. It's "firm's" rather than "firms".
• I'd cut the first part of your last sentence: "I really appreciate you taking the time to read this".

 

[BWSM201]

A few quick comments:

• In your second paragraph, you do a good job talking about your legal experiences, but I'm not entirely clear on why you are interested in commercial law?
• The start of your third paragraph uses the same phrasing as my A&O application. Please change this!
• Good use of your careers dinner to justify your interest in Slaughters and I like the explanation of your interest in M&A.
• You said M&A "seems to be a lot more technical/ model intensive". Can you clarify what you mean by this? Also, I'd avoid using a forward slash in your application.
• Remember your apostrophes. It's "firm's" rather than "firms".
• I'd cut the first part of your last sentence: "I really appreciate you taking the time to read this".

Thank you Jaysen, really appreciate the help! I'll get onto changing it ASAP.