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<blockquote data-quote="AJ" data-source="post: 6726" data-attributes="member: 543">Feel free to ignore the following comments, but I would raise the following general points:- Stylistically, consider shorter sentences. I feel it will make the points jump out more and easier/quicker to read. And define the firm to HSF to save yourself some word count.-&nbsp; What is it about White Collar Crime/Litigation you enjoy, which makes HSF the place you want to train (first paragraph). As there are quite a few firms with Band 1 rating for this work. Firms which you could equally drop in and replace with HSF. Perhaps move the last sentence of the second paragraph to end the first paragraph.- Third sentence (colour - based system), I don't quite understand what this means, and perhaps a lay person in HR will not either. It also feels more like why you (skills, qualities and attributes) i.e the second part of the question, but then the third paragraph goes back to why HSF. Perhaps revise the structure. Two clear paragraphs on why HSF, and then your skills. I wouldn't be afraid of having a one/two sentence paragraphs.- Second to last sentence of the second paragraph &quot;ensuring so services to the firm&quot; - ?- Last paragraph is strong, but I feel gets lost in the structure. Perhaps consider, signposting your why HSF reasons and then go into why you. Hope this helps.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="AJ, post: 6726, member: 543"] Feel free to ignore the following comments, but I would raise the following general points: - Stylistically, consider shorter sentences. I feel it will make the points jump out more and easier/quicker to read. And define the firm to HSF to save yourself some word count. - What is it about White Collar Crime/Litigation you enjoy, which makes HSF the place you want to train (first paragraph). As there are quite a few firms with Band 1 rating for this work. Firms which you could equally drop in and replace with HSF. Perhaps move the last sentence of the second paragraph to end the first paragraph. - Third sentence (colour - based system), I don't quite understand what this means, and perhaps a lay person in HR will not either. It also feels more like why you (skills, qualities and attributes) i.e the second part of the question, but then the third paragraph goes back to why HSF. Perhaps revise the structure. Two clear paragraphs on why HSF, and then your skills. I wouldn't be afraid of having a one/two sentence paragraphs. - Second to last sentence of the second paragraph "ensuring [U]so[/U] services to the firm" - ? - Last paragraph is strong, but I feel gets lost in the structure. Perhaps consider, signposting your why HSF reasons and then go into why you. Hope this helps. [/QUOTE]

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