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<blockquote data-quote="TCLA Community Assistant" data-source="post: 17564" data-attributes="member: 2672"><p>To me this is a little to CSR/pro-bono focused. I would lead with the day job (commercial law) first and then spend less word count talking about pro-bono activity, even though this is where you initially heard from them.</p><p></p><p>You can also get rid of phrases like "To give an example, at one point in my internship I had worked on a project" to "I worked on a project".</p><p></p><p>Your last sentence is also exceptionally long - I would change it into 2 sentences or at least put a comma after areas.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TCLA Community Assistant, post: 17564, member: 2672"] To me this is a little to CSR/pro-bono focused. I would lead with the day job (commercial law) first and then spend less word count talking about pro-bono activity, even though this is where you initially heard from them. You can also get rid of phrases like "To give an example, at one point in my internship I had worked on a project" to "I worked on a project". Your last sentence is also exceptionally long - I would change it into 2 sentences or at least put a comma after areas. [/QUOTE]
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