Why me in a cover letter

Discussion in 'Public Feedback Forum' started by S87, Dec 17, 2018.

  1. S87

    S87 Distinguished Member

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    Guys I am writing down my answer to why me. Could you give me your feedback?

    I am determined and tenacious: coming from a different country, I had to dedicate more hours to study. This allowed me to do well academically, obtaining the highest mark in my Grammar Dictation exam after having lived in Italy for only two years and being awarded three prizes for reading and writing. This is something I built upon when undertaking my GCSE and A-Level equivalents. Alongside my studies, I attended English classes from the age of ten. My dedication to improving my English resulted in me passing the English tests to study for a term in Ireland at the age of seventeen and later going on to secure a place at university in London.
     
  2. Jaysen

    Jaysen Legendary Member
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    I'm not a fan of the first sentence, but the rest is great.

    I assume this is just the first paragraph/the beginning of a "why me?" answer?
     
  3. Hazal

    Hazal Legendary Member
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    Since the rest is great, some advice for the first sentence:

    the fact that you came from a different country doesn't mean you need to dedicate hours to study. The two sort of don't follow on from each other (since some people come from afar and have brilliant English. You could maybe mention at what point in your life you came over). It might make more sense to explain just a little bit your circumstances. i.e. "as I started my studies in England later than others, my English was at a disadvantage..." then explain a little more, then follow on to what you did (as you do in the rest of the passage).

    But well done on making the rest sound like you actually did put hard work in.
     
    #3 Hazal, Dec 18, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
    • Agree Agree x 2
  4. S87

    S87 Distinguished Member

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    Well actually, I had to put more efforts because I was adopted and arrived in Italy at the age of four. It does sound like an effort because after two years I was on the top of the first-year class both in grammar and reading. I did some efforts believe me..nothing was served to me!!
     
    #4 S87, Dec 18, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
  5. Jaysen

    Jaysen Legendary Member
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    I agree with Hazal. The mere fact that you came from a different country doesn't mean you had to dedicate more hours to study. Note - this is not to say that you didn't have to, just that the way you have phrased it makes it sound as if it naturally follows on from the fact. Hazal has suggested some helpful ways you can make this clearer.
     

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